Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Diva_Stardust's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
12:19 pm	feed your man-eating plant today! Argh, I hate it when people ask for fic requests and I get there too late! But I should look at this logically. The only kind of thing I want to request is a fic where Willy the Snitch, the Slurpee Demon, and Olaf the Troll are best friends who go out shopping for clothes. I'm not sure too many people would want to write that. Why don't I have a Willy the Snitch icon yet? This is very puzzling. You just *know* that if all three of them were in high school together that the Slurpee demon would be making friendship bracelets for all of them. Bullies would pick on him but then Olaf would come around with his whacking stick and clobber them. Willy would....just be sleazy in general, I guess. Then they'd form a band and do covers of Freddie and the Dreamers songs. (26 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 24th, 2004
5:13 am	good grief ::shudders:: I don't think I'm very good at this whole defriending thing. And I don't mean the part where I'm wracked with guilt (although that too). The actual physical clicking part and ugghhh... I just tried to defriend someone who hasn't updated in over a year and who hasn't ever communicated with me anyway. So I do that and yeah, she's defriended but so's rubywisp and roseveare! There were their names in my user info, but lightened instead of bolded. So I freaked and did various froggy gurgling type noises and quickly refriended them again and decided that my computer was possesed by the devil (this happened to Clint Howard in a movie once but at least he got to command wild boars to do eeevil for him!) because I NEVER clicked by their names. I didn't randomly start checking people's boxes all willy nilly and then hit DEFRIEND while laughing like a madman. Although I bet my computer (devil) did that. Or maybe just the mouse. I think there's something in the bible about how if the devil gets trapped in your computer most of the evil will end up in your mouse. Kind of like how when someone's holding you upside down and shaking you to steal your change so they can buy little debbies like they're going out of style and all the blood rushes to your head. Like that. Something else freaky happened to me in regards to friends lists a few days ago. A few people were making announcements about making some cuts and while I stood in line with my best smile with the other chorus girls hoping to make the cut I went and checked that thing-a-ma-bob that tells you who has friended and defriended you lately. Well my thing said that EVERYONE had defriended me. No shit. Everyone's names were on there. A few hours later everyone's names had moved to the left, apparantly you all had planned a mass refriending in perfect unison. Much like one of Esther Williams's technicolor water ballets. Nifty! So that's the story of defriending and me. Apparently we go together like Stark and sanity. Not exactly a thrilling tale but there you have it. Next time I'll try to include a car chase. (38 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 15th, 2004
2:17 am	Ahhhhhh! There's some sort of animal skittering around in the walls. I can hear it. It's a definite skittering noise (very loud, sounds bigger than mice). I don't know how it got in the walls but it's definitely in there. Not outside, not inside, but in the walls. Probably living in some little hidey hole. I guess a hidey hole would be logical (logic? what's that?) and it's probably nesting in there and giving birth to an army of small creatures whose mission it is to nibble on my feet. I put some shoes on just in case the birthing happens tonight. Ha! You won't be nibbling on my toes tonight, chumps. Go to Subway or something and get their Atkins special if you're hungry. Crap...it probably is mice. But SuperMice or something. Really gigantic ratpeople with sharp teeth and antlers and scales. Damn, I'm so sick of this carb obsession the nation is under the spell of. Screw it, I'm just going to go around and gobble up carbs like Ms. Pac Man with her snazzy pink bow making blip blip beep noises everywhere. I figure these diet/exercise fads just go around in a circle anyways so I'm just going to go out and get my legwarmers and Jane Fonda workout videos ready for when that comes around again. The skittering has stopped for the moment. Maybe the evil thing went to sleep or bumped his head on the wall, knocking him unconscious. Or maybe he's drawing up some elaborate battle plans that involve capturing my toes to bring back to his God, Talfozore. I'm going for the latter. I'm all for animals, though, really. In 6th grade I had this fantasy about playing the flute and going into the forest where I would play so beautifully that all these delightful little woodland creatures would come out and just stare at me in awe & wonder. That dream ended abruptly when I tried to play the flute and absolutely nothing came out. Oh and another thing to show that I really love animals....last weekend I was feeling all mopey and depressed and my body was all out of whack (my left lower eyelid kept twitching and my right hand would occassionally start twitching/shaking. Perhaps a side effect from eating too many carbs? Oops) and I thought to myself "I want to watch a happy movie with animals where everything is happy and animals are cute and do cute things but not so cute that I feel like throwing up!" which I never actually did. Instead I watched some of Dante's Peak because there was lots of lava and a dog that got saved because the dog always gets saved. Hey, I'm glad the dog gets saved in those movies but it's funny how there can be a ton of people getting killed but when the dog's in danger we're all "Noooo!! Run, doggie, run!!" and then breathe a sigh of relief when he's safe even while a person is getting trampled by Godzilla or something. I don't think that dog counted towards the cute animals thing I was looking for though since it didn't talk or frolic about. I just don't like animals when they're hidden and skittering around at 2:30am plotting my death is all. (22 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 5th, 2004
2:07 am	whoops Sometimes I feel like icons are like those magic eye posters/books. Those crazy acid washed (in drugs, not jeans) pictures where you stare at them long enough and eventually see another picture. Or else you go blind. I'm one of those people that's never able to see anything in there! Just one big blur blob. Once I get past the thirty minute mark I'm usually lost in my own little pink cloud and unicorns world though so I guess they're not totally useless for me. A strange little gateway world of patterns. Anyway, icons seem to have the opposite affect on me. Instead of seeing nothing I'm occasionally seeing things that aren't there or just mistaking one thing for something else. There's this one icon I *love* and I've looked at it a lot but it wasn't until tonight that something I had thought for months was the arm of someone (this someone being the main thing in the icon) was actually a whole nother person in the background (this icon isn't in my user icons so don't bother trying to find it now:D). Wow. My eyeballs certainly messed that one up. But besides feeling stupid and slightly embarrassed (even though no one else knew until I started talking about it now!) I also find it kind of neat. I kind of like when my eyes are mistaken because it makes the icon even more interesting to me. I can still see it the way I originally thought it was, the things that were never really there to begin with, and also the way that it truly is. Icons can sometimes be so intricate that it takes a lot of glances to really *see* everything that's in them. And I think the reason why I'm sometimes mixing things up in pictures is because I believe I'm seeing something one way...and I have the picture already in my mind so that when I look at the icon again that's what I see. Oh and also never having watched the scene before that the icon is taken from helps, of course. Then you're just going in blind, without any idea about what the scene is supposed to look like. Although sometimes it doesn't matter if you've familiar with the scene or not because just the way an icon is cropped can change everything, the way it looks. It's fantastic. You get a whole new perspective on things. Like you're seeing everything for the first time. It even changes the way you watch things because the next time you see that episode or movie you'll be thinking about that icon and comparing the two. There are times when you wind up liking the way the icon presents a scene better than the way it was actually filmed. The way an icon can focus on a particular thing that maybe the scene originally didn't. It's interesting. Sometimes I form an opinion about a character I've never seen before just by looking at some icons. The pictures create a spark that my mind runs with and sometimes...sometimes I'm *wrong*, but that's okay. Those are the times where the image I have of someone in my head after looking at some icons is completely false to what I see on tv later but then there are other times where I get it right. Where the icons, my ideas taken from what I see on the icons, and then what I later see on the tv all match up perfectly. I like those times. Now I have a bad feeling that this post doesn't make any sense. Eeep. (18 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
7:35 pm	My Geraldo Rivera nightmare! Last night the very worst bogeyman I've ever had entered one of my dreams, Geraldo Rivera! It all started when I went to my local gas station which had turned into my local book store. He was stocking shelves and grumbling about how he wasn't getting paid enough while everyone cowered at him meekly as if he was Zorro or something. The place was very run down and the cashier was behind a card table while she swatted flies away from her face. So I went to the back and found my three purchases. Assorted comics, a Little House on the Prairie book set, and a deluxe fancy looking bible marked down to $2.02. There were also comics with Jubilee's face on the cover (but drawn in the Archie/Betty/Veronica/Jughead fashion) laid out on the floor like some sort of yellow brick road. Which I guess makes Geraldo the Wicked Witch of the West and me without a Toto! Not to mention no Ray Bolger at my side with his wonderful rubbery legs:( I kept trying to pick them up but Geraldo kept getting in my way! He was also trying to hand me stuff and make me stock shelves. But he didn't have any books at all, only cans of vegetables and when I tried to explain this to him he said "Fuck that! I'm Geraldo Rivera, you little brat!" so I bared my teeth and growled at him and did my very own patented windmill move where I flail my arms and legs about until I'm hitting him very hard and he's groaning very hard and eventually falling onto the floor very hard while cans of vegetables splatter everywhere with a magnificent splatter! So I ran to the front of the gas station/book store and the check-out lady said "Hooray! You killed Geraldo Ri...oh wait." and then she pointed to where he was getting up. I said "Ugh, hurry and ring these up for me!" and when I saw his clod-hopping feet coming towards me I said "I'm never coming back here again! That guy is a major league creep-o!" The woman agreed and told me I should just come on the days he wasn't there and the way I would know is that he has a car with blue M&M's all over it. I then ran outside with my books to vroooom away home but Geraldo was still after me! "Come back here, you freaking celebrity mangler!" he yelled. "I don't see any celebrities!" I taunted him. Our cars were parked next to each other and we got into a scruffle.....arms and legs everywhere while a cloud of dust formed. Everything was so cartoonish that I hoped an Acme vault would fall on his head but alas, it was not to be. Finally I got into my car and shouted out "So long, sucker!" Unfortunately that was not the end because he then got into his car and a high speed chase ensued! We hit a lot of boxes and that Britney Spears song where she dresses sort of like Sydney Bristow in undercover mode was the soundtrack for it and.... that was it. All in all it was a pretty hellish nightmare. Well it would've been livable except for the Geraldo Rivera factor but then it wouldn't have been a nightmare and well...you understand. Geraldo Rivera is the stuff of nightmares, a Freddy Krueger for our time. If he happens to pop into your dreams I suggest either doing the windmill move on him or insulting his ego. Either way he'll be crying like....a really big crying thing. (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
2:22 am	Superman is freakier than Rick James scans_daily is the best community ever. If you're looking at this icon going "Huh? Is that Superman spanking Lois Lane? When did he become such a kinky bastard?" then you need to check this out. In one of the later issues of Generation X I spied something really cute. Jubilee had a stuffed Wolvie doll on her bed. He was all roly poly and cute, dressed in the yellow uniform. I don't know if it makes an appearance in any other issue or not I'd share the picture with y'all but unfortunately I don't have a scanner so now I'm just left looking at the picture, alone, going "Boy, this sure would be a lot more fun if everyone else could see it!" Don't begin to worry about me though until I start chasing after squirrels with my issues of Generation X going, "Look at this! LOOK! Isn't it super neat??" ::sigh:: I need someone to share my comics geekiness with. For those who don't read comics who are reading this...Superman has nothing to do with Generation X (at least I can link!) but my mind is pretty jumbled and messy so whenever I write about something I tend to spew everything out by jumping around a great deal from subject to subject. ::thinks about everyone reading this:: That must be pretty annoying. Anyone up for some mint oreos? (17 Comments |Comment on this)
12:51 am	Pa Ingalls weeps for this post I should get The Waltons dvd set. It's kind of giving me this beckoning, come hither look with a tinge of a sleazy "How YOU doin?" vibe thrown into it. "Come relive those carefree, easy breezy times of the Depression with us!" it says to me. Plus I think John Boy's mole is winking at me but that just might be lack of sleep, I don't know. Unlike Little House on the Prairie where I grew up watching the reruns, I didn't fall into watching Waltons reruns until I was about 15 or so when I declared it "The best show EVER!" to anyone who cared to listen which wasn't too many people since they were all too busy watching The Single Guy! Ha, who's laughing now, huh?? HUH? Yeah, that's right! They should've known not to trust Jonathan Silverman. Didn't they learn anything from that movie Little Sister which I most definitely never, ever saw?? Totally never. Um...but I most definitely never saw it twice. Or three times. Most definitely NOT. So...The Waltons. What the show lacks is your resident dreamy guy. John Boy just wasn't pretty enough and he wasn't a dorkyboy supreme (like Percival on Little House) so what good was he? Yeah, yeah, I know he had the whole "I'm so sweet and sensitive, watch me chew on my pencil while I write down everything that happens to me while my floppy hair flops coquettishly across my forehead! Oh, I'm so innocent and naive and those evil city slickers are always trying to come down here and fuck me and my family over. Somebody spank me!" thing going for him but...eh. Sometimes though they did manage to pull off the horror/angst like Little House did but usually not to the same awesome degree. Sure, The Waltons had a fire where their house burned down, ala the blind school burning down but they didn't have HALF the drama. Mary shrieking and shrieking and shrieking and her baby dying because Mrs. Garvey's fucking dumb and decided "I'll get out of here by using this convenient baby-esque creature to smash this window! That'll definitely work!" and then they end up dying while Mary shrieks and shrieks some more. But The Waltons did have Erin. Oh fuck. God bless that selfish little brat. She was the Jan of The Waltons. She saved her best dress, her special peach dress from the fire instead of caring about rescuing her family. Later on she felt so guilty about it that she decided to start dressing and acting like a nun. No one really noticed though. She went back to her selfish ways once she realized that her peach dress paid attention to her and actually talked back to her unlike her family. There was this one two-parter I really loved and always waited for it to come around again in the rotation. John Boy falls in love with a new girl and they go up on the mountain a lot to his secret place and he tells her all his secret dreams and she sort of talks in this whimsical, nutty way like she thinks he's an elf or something. But then everything gets destroyed when her dad gets killed in a car crash and her stepmom is all "We have to heal our wounds and the only way we can heal them is if I take you away from your first love. Let us leave this place!" and then John Boy was really depressed for a week or so until the next episode where he fell in love again. One of the biggest differences between The Waltons and Little House were the dads. Mr. Walton always seemed like the most realistic character on the whole show. He wasn't religious in the conventional sense, he didn't go to church on Sundays with his family even though Mrs. Walton sometimes tried to make him go, he was sort of gruff in a quiet way, but a good guy. He didn't wear his emotions on his sleeve as much as Pa Ingalls did. Whenever his kids would grow up and have their "I'm so much better than you daddy because I'm all educated and stuff and you're just a saw mill running hick!" Mr. Walton would be able to make them feel ashamed with just a look. Yeah, he'd probably do a speech afterwards just like Mr. Ingalls but I usually BELIEVED Mr. Walton's speeches more even though Mr. Ingalls was the tv dad I wished were mine. Mr. Ingalls was the dad that was *too* good to be true, the dad that could only exist on tv. On the other hand, Mr. Walton was the dad that could be yours or your friend's...if you were lucky. He was caring and fair without being over the top about it. I think part of that has to do with the actors. With Little House there are times where I definitely feel like I'M WATCHING MICHAEL LANDON! WATCH MICAEL LANDON ACT! WATCH MICHAEL LANDON BE SWEET AND SENSITIVE!, etc. but Mr. Walton feels more natural and believable in his setting and environment. Maybe it's because Michael Landon had so much control of the show so you really feel a lot of the time that it's *his* show, not Laura's. But The Waltons? Was always John Boy's show and when he left it was the family's as a whole. Weird thing? They both had episodes where they considered adopting a black child without a home. Both times the kid was played by Todd Bridges. The thing you gotta understand about Pa Ingalls is the man cried at the drop of a hot. Seriously. Watch an episode, any random episode, and you are almost guaranteed big, BIG tears from him. So when Pa was trying to tell Todd why it wouldn't work? Gallons of tears! The town was almost flooded by them. Mrs. Olsen and Nellie were seen passing by them in a canoe because of it, throwing obscenities at everyone they rowed by. I think Nellie was seen trying to drown Nancy in one scene too. On the other hand, the scene with Todd and Mr. Walton was really well done...beautifully understated. I haven't seen the episode in years but I can still remember the two of them sitting on the bridge, fishing, while Mr. Walton tells him why it wouldn't work and how the world wouldn't accept him as part of their family because the world sucks and so forth. Mr. Walton kept his emotions in check during that scene (although you could tell tell he was cracking underneath just from the sadness in his eyes) while Todd got the big teary close-ups. In the Little House episode I remember *both* Pa and Todd crying although Pa *did* wait until Todd couldn't see him. The camera always loved lingering on Michael Landon's big emotional scenes. Poor Todd Bridges. Hmmm...perhaps his life was so messed up for awhile because his roles consisted of being rejected from a white family or being adopted by one? Not to mention so many people that probably came up to him and said "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" that he just finally snapped and went "Aaaahhh! I'm not talking about anything, okay? OKAY? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! That's it, I've had it! Can you give me directions to the nearest convenience store? Thanks." (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 30th, 2004
1:06 pm	Is Jim Nabors gonna have to choke a bitch? Who did I just catch singing a tune at the Indianapolis 500, showing the young'ins how it's done? Jim Nabors, that's who! I keep seeing people buzzing around going "Isn't he dead?" but Jim ain't kicking any buckets yet. No-sir-ree-bob! I was mighty mad a little bit before I heard him belting a song out because Jessica Simpson sang the National Anthem before that and then I saw Jim and I thought "WTF? If Jessica gets to sing and he doesn't then I'm tearing up my human being membership card!" Okay, so it's only a fake card (sshhh, keep it on the down low, eh? I can't tell you where I'm from because then I'd have to kill you and then I'd have to dig a hole to dispose of you in and ARGH, too much work!) but it keeps the wolves from my door. Except for when I invite them in for saucers of milk. ANYWAY, Jessica was all "Warble, warble, aaaaahhh, my breasts are keen!, warble, warble, screeeech, eeeeeeeeeeee, fake sultry sound!" and then Jim came and tore the joint up with his big booming voice! Go Jim!! So I know I haven't posted in a very long time but I've been here lurking in the shadows so don't be worrying about me and I'll post some more later. ETA: Here's an article about Jim at the event! Looks like he sings the opening song there every year. (24 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 12th, 2004
11:56 am	cotton candy will mess you up So I watched the first half hour of Nick & Jessica's Variety Hour last night and I think the tv gods are trying to smite me me for the evil I did in the past by having too many Kirk Cameron posters on my wall when I was nine. I always used to say that variety shows should come back (but usually I said this with offering myself and a member of Abba as the hosts) and then when it finally does come back...Nick and Jessica do it. Now it was plenty zany, and had all your usual "WTF?" eyes bugging out of your head moments just like variety shows in the 70s but I don't know, it's like they made it all, the abnormal, so....normal. Or even worse than that *bland*. Doing a duet with Kit from Knight Rider sounds like something I would dream about after a night of eating too much cotton candy (the blue colored stuff makes you dream like you're Timothy Leary and if you eat too much of the pink stuff you'll get lost in the wood for days looking for a gingerbread house) but then Nick does it and suddenly I'm seeing all those boring ABC family shows they got going on dancing before my eyes. I'm telling ya, they implanted subliminal messages in that show. If I end up starting a fan club for Jim Belushi? Just shoot a tranq dart in my neck and take me to the island. You know what island I'm talking about, but if you don't just be thankful, okay? I was only there once and that was because of an unfortunate incident with Scott Baio. Luckily I'm okay now but it was tough goings there for awhile. Anyway, why I am talking so much about this? I'm sure in another twenty years some kids will have this special on dvd and love it for the kitsch value just like I love the Brady Bunch Variety Hour even though back then I have no doubt people were jumping out of windows and yelling about the downfall of television. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if *I* have the dvd in another twenty years. But right now it's just too soon. There has to be some mileage first before I can appreciate it. First I have to live through the E! True Hollywood Story, their breakup, Jessica joining a cult, and Nick frequenting leather bars before I can truly, truly love it. Oh, and the thirteen year old boy in me couldn't stop staring at Jessica's breasts. Wow. Those were...something alright. The second half hour of the show I spent watching Arrested Development. I think I made the right decision. The picture for this week's bicon_challenge makes me really happy! It's a Dawn/Spike cap and I'm just sitting back, watching all the pretties roll in. Awwww yeah, icon goodness. I had the best comic book moment last night, a definite dancing in my chair thing occured. In Wolverine #81 Logan's at Muir Island and he's hallucinating (perhaps he made the fatal mistake of eating pink AND blue cotton candy together?), having a big old freak-out so Moira, Nightcrawler, and Kitty have to strap him down. The lady he came with, Zoe, knows everything there is to know about Wolvie and co. because she researched them obsessively and keeps making snide little comments about their histories. At one point, *this* happens, she mentions Kitty and Jubilee (Jubilee isn't in this issue though): Zoe: ...Kitty Pryde and Jubilation Lee...why DOES he keep forming these interdependent relationships with adolescent girls? Kitty: Maybe he needs some female friends who aren't just interested in ripping his heart out? Kitty has this look on her face like "Where the fuck did you come from, beeaaatch? You best be shutting up now before I phase through your flabby ass." I loved that someone mentioned that though because if there's a young girl somewhere? Wolverine *will* bond with her. It doesn't matter whether you're a waitress who's trying to escape a cult or a cyborg with a lisp, he's there for you. The movies, the comics, the cartoons....he always has a special connection with some young girl in a non-romantic way. That's one of the things I love about him. Oh, and here are a few things I best be pimping before I forget! dromeda has done the best Rogue/Logan music vid I've ever seen that can be found right here. Set to the Coldplay song "Yellow" it uses clips from both movies and what kept popping through my head while watching this besides "Gosh, they're both so preeety" was how much I *love* their relationship. This sums it up nicely. eurothrashed? You know how we were talking about the beauty that could be Evo!Rogue and Evo!Wanda together? Well, I think I discovered something that could be potentially better. Check out the fantastic art by dandydevildog here. There's this great drawing of Kitty and Wanda smooching that I really dig. I never thought about them as a pairing before but I think that could be some good stuff right there. While Rogue and Wanda have the potential to explode like an angry fireball upon impact because of their anger and angst, I see Kitty being a calming influence on Wanda. I can see Wanda freaking out going "First my dad put me in the nut house and now I find out he fucked with my memories? Fuck that! I'm going to fuck up this whole fucking town! FUCK!" Kitty would just say "Chill, okay?" and then they would kiss a lot. There's also some fab pictures of Kitty/Logan, Rogue/Scott, and Storm/Logan. (25 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 9th, 2004
12:36 am	dust will eventually kill you Here's some things I've been meaning to pimp for a while now. I'm all behind and stuff. Yeah, I know I just did a post a few minutes ago but I figure one-night-of-spamming won't hurt since I haven't been posting as much as usual. Someday maybe I'll just post every little thing that crosses my mind so years from now I can remember because my memory is a fading, fading place. Everything fades so quickly. No doubt I'll cringe when I re-read everything though which is why I rarely get personal in here. When I look over my diaries from my teenager years I *do* cringe because I hate the way I sound, the way I put together my sentences. The melodrama of every little thing. Not to mention a whole pretentious, flowery vibe that would sometimes come through because I wanted to write like L.M. Montgomery (author of the Anne of Green Gables series and a whole bunch of other books) and so I'd try to work this whole old-fashoned style that *never* worked. Now *her* diaries were interesting. Did you know she had a young lesbian fan that was obsessed with her? No, I mean OBSESSED and *in love* with a middle-aged (she was in her late 50s) L.M. Montgomery utterly and completely. We're talking stalker material here. I can only imagine how she would've been able to up her stalker skills if she was around today, in the age of instant letters with one click on "send" and vrooooom there you go. You should see the love letters she wrote her. It was depressing, yet expected to find out what L.M. Montogomery's views about homosexuality were. All your usual perversion, against nature stuff. That said, I think it's *extremely* possible and likely that if she were alive today her views would be different. Although she thought the girl needed serious help, both for being gay and for being crazy (and I do agree on the latter, girl was waaaay past just carving their names in a tree together) she tried to be her friend. Obsessed girl visited her many times and the funny thing is whenever she visited her she was very quiet and reserved. Maud could hardly get a peep out of her. Then the girl would go home and write her *massively* long love letters and beg her to be with her. Although one thing I found interesting was that she sometimes seemed to have more of a problem with her stalker being dull (absolutely lifeless and non-communicative in person) and not all that smart than with her being gay. Maud was really big on being surrounded by people who were intellectually stimulating. It makes me wonder if Maud's views would've been different if the girl that was in love with her would've been a little more stable. About her book characters, I always thought Walter (one of Anne's sons) was gay, even if Maud didn't intentionally write him that way. He never seemed to have any interest in girls. But then again he didn't really seem to have an interest in *anyone*, in people, besides the imaginary ones. That's what I loved about Walter, he was living in his own little world, his pied piper fantasy. It wasn't surprising that something real, more real and harsh than anything, fighting in the war (World War I) is what snapped him out of it. I wonder what he would've been like if he hadn't been killed and he'd come home. That would've been interesting. Jaded and cynical, hardened. It would've been heartbreaking to read, heartbreaking for all of them to see him like that, but most of all it would've been hardest and the most heartbreaking for him. If I remember correctly I think that was the reason why he was okay with somehow *knowing* that he wasn't going to make it back home. He couldn't go back to his dreamworld after the things he saw. I really need to reread all these books. It's hard to tell which things I remember and are true and which things I've twisted in my own way, for my own needs and purposes, through the years, like a game of telephone. I know the Anne books are usually people's favorites of hers but mine have always been the Emily books. I wanted her long black hair, her friends, her writing talent. I wanted to be *her*, live her life. Those books were *dark* too. Yeah, I'm a fan of quite a few older/younger relationships but the whole Dean Priest thing gave me the chills even then. He saved her life when she was twelve years old and he was convinced that she owed him her life and that he was going to marry her when she grew up. He almost did too. Although I feel like somewhat of a hyprocrite because I wonder if I'd feel differently (since to give Dean *some* credit he wasn't technically persuing Emily when she was a child. He was just planting the seeds and waiting for her to grow up. Okay, so that really *is* creepy enough because if we're going to get right down to it...he WAS always persuing her. The only line drawn was that he knew he had to wait. Yikes and...yikes.) if Dean wasn't such an *ugly* character in every way. Selfish, bitter, controlling, bad fits of temper. It was hard to blame him sometimes though because of his fucked up back that disfigured him, people calling him "Jarback Priest", etc. Fella had issues. There was something so extremely sinister about Dean's friendship with Emily because you ALWAYS knew he was waiting. It wasn't even under the surface, it was *right there*, written out for us on the pages. Nothing was hidden. I was never able to appreciate the good things he did for her, the gifts he gave her because his ulterior motive was so very clear. Except, of course, his final gift to her when he gives her and Teddy the house they were originally supposed to live in before she broke off their engagement. His one redeeming moment, but giving someone a set of keys isn't quite...enough. Which is definitely the way it should be. Making everyone go "Look! He's really just a cuddly, misunderstood, swell guy afterall!" would've been a big mistake. So leaving him all flawed and fucked up was really a great way, the *right* way, to go now that I think about it. Dean's a fascinating character to read now but back then I was just pissed because of the possibility of him taking her away from Teddy. The girls in Maud's books always wound up with their childhood friend, though, the sensitive artist boy who they didn't realize they loved until it was almost too late, so I didn't have anything to worry about. I didn't have that all figured out back then though. Nowadays I'd probably be shipping Emily/Ilse and I bet y'all would too if the books were turned into a modern type teen/high school tv show. I know the Emily books were turned into a tv show in Canada but I never got to see any of the episodes:( She, Ilse, was such a great character. Said everything that was on her mind. Did whatever she pleased. Everything we'd want to be if we weren't so scared. She was wild and free when she was a kid and later on became extremely ambitious, and achieved all her goals. Globe-trotting and being absolutely glamorous and modern while Emily was still toilng away at New Moon. Damn, sometimes I really wish Emily would've run away with her. Um...so I never got around to pimping what I wanted to. Guess I'll save that for my next post. To get around to my original thought...even though I cringe when I read my old diaries I'm still glad I have them. They make me remember things that seemed gone for good. (45 Comments |Comment on this)
12:17 am	missing pieces I had a really neat dream last night where I discovered I was a transsexual. It was strange and dream-like (as dreams often are) but not really very acidy trippy, actually. The discovery wasn't some shocking revelation, suddenly I just *knew* that I had been born with male parts. Also, this being dream-land and all, I also just *knew* that somewhere along the line some people had taken me, screwed up my memories, and gave me female parts. I was very calm and peaceful about the whole thing and it all just made *sense* for some reason. I seemed to know who I was for the first time, girl parts AND boy parts without having to actually physically have either. There was fallout because of it. Faceless friends who yelled so loud and hard that spit was coming out of their mouths. Angry for no other reason that I could see besides their fear that it could happen to *them*, too. Jem from Jem and the Holograms is the Superman of the rock and roll world I've decided. The dvds should arrive tomorrow and then I'll be froliching in my childhood memories of having to get up really early and watch the show while my amazon-sized Jem doll watched beside me. I swear to God this show was on at about 5am all the time for some reason. I also remember Rio being quite the Almanzo of the cartoon world, as in dumb, slack-jawed ox mule type with crappy hair who wanted the wild kinky sex to happen to him but didn't actually want to do any of the work. Or as I like to call them, "teh lay-abouts". Just lying (or laying?) in bed, waiting for the hot sex to just crawl up on top of them and do the work. I really need to start shipping Almanzo/Rio just so they can go off together and have their vanilla sex while everyone else femslashes the place up. I'm giving the boring couple a one-way ticket to the Savage Land where hopefully a dinosaur will bite them on their bee-hinds. Oh, I mentioned Jem as being the Superman of rock n roll because of her whole double life thing, minus changing in phone booths. Speaking of phone booths isn't it awful how those old-fashioned ones with the doors that close behind you are practically extinct? How are superheoros supposed to make a quick change without them? Sometimes I really don't think all this moving forward/technology stuff is all that great. Sure everyone has cell phones now but at what price??? AT WHAT PRICE?? ::sigh:: So it always bugged me that while Rio would be kissing Jerrica primly on the cheek he had a not-so-secret hardon for Jem. Ugh. Of course how fucked up was it that Jerrica KNEW that but didn't seem to do anything about it? I guess she was too busy running that orphanage and doing her battle of the bands thing to care. I'm thinking watching the dvds will be quite educational because then I can take notes and decide which person Jerrica/Jem was *really* involved with. Because I'm thinking the real reason why she didn't care who the hell Rio wanted was because she was pretty much ::yawning:: over him. I bet it was one of the members of The Misfits. When isn't there a love/hate opposites attract relationship on a tv show? Nowadays whenever I see two people on screen that hate each other I get this instant "They soooo want each other!" twelve year old squee going on but in real life when I see two people that hate each other? I get out my trusty helmet and hide in my treehouse/igloo/fallout shelter because the shit never fails to hit the fan. Pottery is thrown, words are exchanged, and storm clouds are seen. Funny how there's never any kissing. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 8th, 2004
1:00 pm	steal this post Stolen from roguewords: 1. Grab the nearest book. 2. Open the book to page 23. 3. Find the fifth sentence. 4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions. The subway crowds surged in periodic waves, blank new-york faces, as if, for air, they had just crawled out of the little boxes in the automat for say a quarter and two nickels. Taken from City of Night by John Rechy. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 2nd, 2004
11:19 am	twirl until it all falls apart Icon breakdown meme ganked from devildoll and pearl_o: a.k.a.--the pretty little pictures on my icons! men and women together--31 just women--12 just men--5 puppet!Angel (who I consider to be in a category all his own)--1 IM between Spike and Dawn--1 Hooray, everything actually adds up! The reason I say that is because sometimes when I'm bored I count my icons by breaking them down by fandom and pairing to get an idea where my fandom head is at at the moment. Course, I *do* usually know where my head is at but I like to see it broken down into percents. Because I'm strange like that. Oftentimes I come up with crazy numbers that don't make sense (that go over 50 icons) and the next thing you know I'm putting on Fred-type glasses and writing on my bedroom walls. I still plan on doing a late post for Icon Makers Appreciation day where I praise everyone incoherantly. Better late than never, right? Will probably do that sometime this weekend. By the way, for the "men and women together" category I included this freakin incredible icon that purple_smurf made that has Rogue and *just* Logan's claws going through her back. Because even though it's just his claws? It most definitely counts. The text on that icon? So deliciously twisted. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 29th, 2004
1:50 am	I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars! I found some new (to me!) wacky X-Men pictures at this website. Take this wacky shot for instance! Why has Wolverine become a lumberjack? Plus, the way he's doing it (not to mention the outfit) looks like he's auditioning for LUMBERJACK: The Musical! He's got some real stiff competition though, like Michael Palin. Whoa nelly. I don't picture Wolvie taking being someone's understudy very well. ::SNIKT:: I think that picture is so very cute in its' randomness. Especially the fact that Kitty seems to have decided that tree-cutting-down parties are too fun to miss and she's going to crash this little party any way she can. Now this picture is too adorable for words! Your very own Happy Meal tiny X-Men peeps! Awww...I want some. And look--Jubilee's (Rogue and Psylocke seem to be having some fun with him too) playing with a toy!Wolvie! She even put her sunglasses on him! Hee. The real Logan is above it and pointing at it in a "WTF? Is that me? I'll cut you, you imposter! I'll cut ya!" type of way. I don't know why I'm obessed lately with characters yelling "I'll cut you!" so much. I did that with Spike yesterday too. Or it's possible that Logan just doesn't like the way Jubilee's sunglasses look on his doppleganger. Hard to tell with these things. He's got rage issues and that's OKAY. ::tries to calm down and soothe an angry, feral Wolverine by directing him towards a scratching post:: Scott appears to be either: A. Taking a hit off a french fry. B. Getting drunk off a french fry. C. Playing the french fry as a musical instrument as a result of A and B. Oh, and Jean? Clearly an enabler. By the way, essene made this icon for me! Massive hugs are the best. Here's the scene it comes from. The hug came about from Logan apologizing and then hugging Jubilee because of this guy literally melting (yup, in the gooky gross way. Not the swoony way) in her arms and she freaked out while he continued to talk to some people about the mission they were on. I had essene put the word "Lifeline" on the icon because of this scene in a different, earlier comic: Logan: What can I say, Rose, I've been dead. Rose: That's an excuse? I must confess, though, you have looked better. How bad? Logan: Bad as it gets, across the board. Rose: Youngster? (she's looking at Jubilee who's across the room) Logan: Lifeline. Without her, I wouldn't be here. Without her...I won't be goin' on. Awwww...forgive my schoompiness and aaawwws (because I seem to awww about an awful lot) but that's one of my favorite scenes. Here's a picture of that scene. (24 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 28th, 2004
1:11 am	::kills pop-up ads with spear:: I'm feeling slightly better now! The headache's gone but it's been replaced by an aching/twitchy type of feeling in my side. Not all that bad but it's distracting when you're trying to sleep and you end up counting sheep until the next ache. Sort of like minutes between your contractions. Only nothing better be coming out of my stomach. Unless it's that show tune-y alien from Spaceballs. He was neat. I'm posting to pimp eurothrashed's Spawn music videos!! Yay! Sure to be playing on a music channel near you with screaming kids yelling "Wooooo!" while signs proclaiming "Spawn forever, Ringo never!" are seen in the background. Click me! I will take you to a place where you can watch images flash before your eyes while sounds are expelled at the very same time. Like the talkies only minus Buster Keaton's deep and raspy, garbled by cigarettes, doesn't match up with his face, voice. Softer Than A Whisper--The beginning reminds me of this old Spawn drabble I did once. Dawn's in bed and Spike's stalking by the stalking tree. Who says romance is dead? Oh, and the very, very, VERY beginning has one of those great looking Spike is lurking in the shadows giving us all the I'm going to fuck you and then kill you or maybe in reverse eyes from the WB promos. I picture him thinking "Yeah, I want Dawn and I'm a perverted ole vamp but what of it? You wanna make something of it, punk? I'll cut ya, I swear to God, I'll cut ya!" Okay, so maybe not in those exact words. Actually the video's very sweet, slow (in the melodic way, not in a boring way), silky sensual. Lots of "s" words. It's my new favorite Spawn video! It makes me point at the screen and yell "Spawn, Spawn!" while barking a little like Lassie. Once I figure out that Timmy and co. can't understand me I follow it up by saying "Spawn, you see! Spawn! It's right! It's right in the same way that armadillos being put in music videos is right. It's RIGHT and it's all.right.there." (ETA--Undead just informed me that this was the one that was actually made for me but that both vids are really for me. Neat-o! I must go hug her now) Livin' in a Ghost Town--This video she made for me! I'm all for videos being made for me. Except for that experimental video that Yoko sent me this one time with a slow motion 50 minute shot of a gorilla unpeeling a banana. I wasn't too keen on that one. So in this video Dawn is missing and Spike's crazy and obsessive. Perfect! So while Spike's zooming around town or being talked to by spooks he finds time to wonder "WTF? How can me and the Nibblet get up to perverted hijinx if she's left town? This won't do at all!" so he borrows the angelmobile and finds Dawn and it happens to be her 18th birthday (making it all perfectly alright and tidy on screen, sort of) and then there's naughty stuff. I might've made some of that up. I'm not sure. The Little Things--This isn't Spawn but I'm pimping it anyways because it's good and I believe in good. So Spike's a dork and he's sick of everyone picking on him so he goes out and kills a bunch of folks and swaggers and has lots of style. There's also this montage where he does a lot of hand movements and it's hot. Remember the hand jive in Grease when everyone was sitting on the bleachers and doing the hand jive? Well, forget it because that wasn't hot and this is. In closing, Spike's a dork who fucks everyone's shit up. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 27th, 2004
7:33 pm	dear day? fuck off. Today has been a sucky day so I must bitch and complain because that's all I feel like doing. Besides sticking my head in the toilet that is. Viruses have been trying to sneak through ever since last night. Luckily Norton's been taking care of them but they are sneakier and eviler than ever before. Satan is pissed because of the demise of Bennifer all those months ago and now it's getting its' revenge by sending virus plagues! I hate the ones that change your default page and then it's a race to try and change it back before you get smacked all over by pop-up ads. I was going to do a super fantastic X-Men type post all about how I love Cannonball because he's got flames coming out of his ass and how I always laugh at Banshee (but not in a "I mock you, character!" way but in a "You're my friend and you're silly!" kind of way) because he's got a sonic scream that hurts everyone's ears and he flies with his mouth open (do bugs fly into there or do they get turned off by the scream I wonder) so I like watching him zoom around on the comic pages. So now that I'm all angry and annoyed I'll just say that I wish I had flames coming out of my ass and a sonic scream coming out of my mouth so that way I could blast viruses and all their pals to HELL! The really bad hell. Not the special hell but the one that's even worse. The hell that makes you get stuck in television cliches over and over again like getting stuck in an elevator with a pregnant woman. And now one of my Farscape dvds is all fucked up. I was watching "Revenging Angel" and loving the cartoony fun-ness of it all and then towards the end it kept pausing. My dvd player does this occasionally but it kept doing this repeatedly until it just plain paused permanently and will not go past that spot. It won't play the episode after that, "The Choice" either. And I know it's not my dvd player because my other dvds are playing fine. So that's depressing in a tv-watching way because I keep hearing people talking about how great "The Choice" is and now all the dvd is good for is playing frisbee with. Or possibly smashing on the road with my mighty fury. I wish Stark was here. He'd really help me with his whole "batshit crazy" thing. Or maybe he could move his mask and zap me with his pure light. He could yell at the computer AND the dvd and just start muttering "damaged, damaged, everything's damaged! All wrong, all wrong. Damaged, damanged. My side, your side, MY SIDE, YOUR SIDE!" A Scorpy/Harvey in my head would be utter wonderfulness too. He'd keep me entertained if he wasn't trying to escape/and or kill me on a roller-coaster. And I have a headache that's pounding, pounding, pounding which could lead to vomiting. Fun! Sorry for the excessive whining and bitching. Hopefully I'll have a sunny post to share with y'all sometime soon. (15 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 18th, 2004
2:00 am	scribble down your fate I watched some of the Tvland Awards tonight and I caught a glimpse of two of my fellas, Jim Nabors and Don Knotts!! Now I know you Lord of the Rings people have your theories about who's dating who and which hobbit caused another's hobbit's wrist to get all bruised up but me? I gots my own fandom theories. Which is... Don Knotts and Jim Nabors are in love, my friends. Oh yes. The proof is in the pudding. In the pudding pops. Dork love reigns supreme even in old age. But was there ever any doubt? When Jim and Don went up in a group to accept a Legends-type award Jim had his arm around Don for a good period of the time (in a definite "You're all invited to our wedding!" way, not a "Look, we're pals! No, really!" way). Then he let it drift away after awhile because he probably thought "Oh, shit! Andy's gonna get hella jealous if he finds out about our secret love!" It's a well known fact (in my head anyway) that Andy and Don had a stormy on again, off again love affair in the 60s that rivaled Liz and Richard Burton's. I need myself a Don & Jim OTP icon. Or maybe a Don and Andy one. I loves Don/Jim more but even I have to admit that Don and Andy were the original, epic love affair. The Buffy/Angel to Don & Jim's Buffy/Spike if you will. Damn, I wish I could've fit a Spawn analogy in there somewhere. Here's a noteworthy Spawn tidbit! bloodypoetry is making a Spawn video just for meeeee!! Neat-o, eh? I'll be sure to pimp it like mad when she's done with it. It kind of annoys me that half the things nominated at the Tvland Awards show aren't even actually shown on the channel. But maybe that's not their fault. Difficulty getting a hold of the rights and whatnot. But damnnit, I wanna see Wonder Woman spin!!! Spiiin!! Spiin and twiiirl!! Ficathons are so great for finding quality fic. Here's a good community for keeping track of the ones going on and will help you find the master lists of the completed ones and so forth. Right now the fics from the Cordy and Fred ones are my faves but there's still some ones from those two I haven't gotten to yet. I also need to read more from the Devon one because, dude, *Devon*. Everyone making pretty icons for Roswell and Dark Angel isn't helping me right now. It tempts me to buy more dvds and my Chuckey Cheese wallet is already getting mighty slim. Mighty slim. Damn Ebay and its siren song. My white lady. I am but a simple, strung out addict living on the streets and Ebay just keeps showing up while I'm lying in the gutter. I try to ignore it, making a witty Oscar Wilde comment about staring at the stars but it won't let me. I am forced to whore myself out on the streets for more money. WHORE, I say! I paint myself in shame and don my sandwhich board which talks about Ebay on one side and invites everyone to "Eat at Joe's!" on the other. Oh, the shame. The deep DEEP dirty shame. So I've gotten a good many X-Men/Wolverine comics from there lately. Naturally, I have a certain agenda when selecting which ones I want. A Jubilee/Wolverine agenda. Speaking of which, everyone check out the swiftastic-on-a-stick Jubilee & Wolvie icons that thehush has made here and here. She's got some good movieverse icons there as well! So I've been specifically trying to get all the issues with the best Jubilee/Wolvie moments which sometimes causes me to flash people a picture of some holding/hugging moment (because the FBI files on me are true. I'm a helpless slave to those kind of scenes) and ask them if they know which issue it's from. Because trying to find stuff just from issue summaries alone makes my eyes bleed and the letters start dancing in front of my face in a mocking fashion. Here's my favorite picture at the moment that took me awhile to track down, but I finally found out what issue it's from & got it from Ebay. Wolverine comforts Jubilee. This is the best comforting scene that was ever created because Jubilee's head is buried so far into his chest that it's likely to get stuck there. Which sounds kind of gross and Twilight Zoneish but it's not. Oh, and Logan's wearing a loincloth. No one's sure why but no one's complaining because when Logan is very, very naked it helps the comforting process. And from a different issue here's a scene I love with some funny banter between the two of them when Jubilee's looking through a car they found which they think is his: Logan: You find any souvenirs from some hot dates in there, you just leave 'em be. Jubilee: I find any panties, I'm not touching them. Logan: I was thinkin' o' grenades, darlin'. So this post is long enough for now so I'll stop because I'm sure to be doing some more comic book gushing in the future. And I still have that long ass list of more Rogue/Logan fic recs I want to write up sometime. Plus, I have to read some more Jubilee/Logan fic. I found a REALLY bad smutty (where's the good smut at?) one the other day that was like a David Lynch movie. With crazy twists and turns and in the end you find out that Jean and Scott are some kinky-ass bastards who love to role-play. Don't ask. (25 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 14th, 2004
9:36 am	foods on a stick naturally taste better Happy birthday, gwynnega!!! Bring in the dancing bears, fellas! ::dancing bears in tutus shuffle in:: I spared no expense for you, darling! And in an announcement of no importance I would like it to be known that Slimer from Ghostbusters and the gopher from Caddyshack are my new OTP. Also, I'm soon going to be the ward of Marianne Faithfull. What Dick was to Bruce, I will be to Marianne (with our relationship hopefully being just as inappropriate). There will be crime-fighting and the like but mostly I will spend the long days and nights trying to rock as much as she does. It'll be hard and strenuous but in the end it'll be worth it. My first goal is to sing "As Tears Go By" like a lamb and then make the transition into "Sister Morphine" sounding like a lamb that's barely escaped the slaughter and is now living on the streets. ETA: A year ago today I made my first post on livejournal, it was a very awkward and nervous type post. People actually responded and here I am, still here (obviously)!!! In the future I hope to talk more about rodeos and spilled milk. So stay tuned if that interests you;) (19 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 12th, 2004
11:06 am	what's a girl to do? I wish Vance DeGeneres was a fictional character so I could put him on my list. You know, I think marrying (besides the whole having sex with him idea) Vance is the best idea I've ever had. Think about it, first there'd be the greatness of being married to Vance. Then you'd have Ellen as your sister-in-law! Wouldn't it be swell to know that the family rocks even before you introduce yourself to the groom? The mom looks nice in interviews too. I wonder if she makes cookies. I also wish Vance was still on the Daily Show. ::sobs:: I miss him on there. I've been catching my glimpses of him again because he's one of the commentators on E!'s "101 Reasons why the 90s Ruled". I've been a brave little toaster and watching that special even though that announcer has the cheesiest, lamest voice when he talks about everything. I hate that announcer. If I ever hear him talking in the streets I'm going to take my pin cushion and throw pins at him. He'll never know what hit him! Poor E!. It wants so desperately to be like VH1 and all their "I love the 80s/70s/three-headed-frogs" specials. Sometimes I feel like E! is like one of those annoying people at parties that always talks your ear off about plastics and you just nodd politely even though you want to yell "Stop it! Just stop it! You're not VH1 and you never will be! If you want to make me happy then you better just keep showing those Melrose Place reruns and hire Steve Kmetko back!" ETA: I don't want to be one of those people that sigh all the time about someone having the *prettiest* eyes but..... Vance has the *prettiest* eyes. He does! The blue eyes with the dark hair....dreamy.... Okay, that has been my Teenbeat moment for the day. I'll try not to let it happen again. (11 Comments |Comment on this)
2:06 am	spread the love like peanut butter! So there's that meme about the top ten fictional characters you'd have sex with. This is a problem for me since I'm attracted to almost everyone I see. Um...that doesn't sound quite right. But I find a great many people crushable/doable. So here's just some random peeps off the top of my head. Possibly more to come later. 1. Logan/Wolverine (movieverse, all comicsverses, the Evolution cartoon show, the Fox cartoon show, basically any and all forms of him except for that "Pryde of the X-Men" cartoon special from 1989. His voice in there was pure horror. It had some sort of Australian/cockney/swamp monster threeway accent going on. Yes, swamp monsters have accents. By the by, my love for Evolution-verse Logan is kind of scary. I sort of have this idea about being shrinky-dinked down to size in an easy bake oven (it'll work!) and then popping up in toon-ville, crashing at the mansion and seducing him in a very seducing way. But it would be a very tricky thing to pull off. A VERY tricky thing. With that form of Wolverine one of two things will happen. Either you'll be successful and screaming for joy about having found the golden ticket or he'll misunderstand your advances and make you train in the danger room and fight off images of Toad or something. Or possibly the whole thing might get fucked and you'll end up doing both. Anyway, is it worth that risk? I think so. 2. Cordelia (Angel)--Um, I want her. Really bad. Big with the wanting. Wantwantwant. I don't really have any ideas about how to seduce her though. I kind of hope that just staring at her with my jaw on the floor and sputtering "guh guh eeeeehhh help ahhhh" will do it. If that doesn't work maybe I could offer to rub her temples after one of her visions? Yes, yes. That would work in a totally cheesy way. Plus, I can throw in the fact that sleeping with me will in no way cause her to be impregnated with demon spawn. Score! I think that'll totally close the deal for me. 3. Stark (Farscape)--The best thing about having sex with Stark would be what he would *say* during the sex. Since Stark is just a wee bit *off* I think it would be extremely interesting! He'd probably mention all the souls that scream out to him, and just in case the sex is so good that I'm on the verge of death he'd be able to help lead me to the light. It's a win/win! 4. Sue Ann Stepanek (Tuesday Weld in Pretty Poison)--The bad thing about this is after the sex she would either try to kill me or frame me for somebody she killed. But I'd be so under her thrall that I wouldn't mind one bit! 5. Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins in Psycho)--Okay, he'd DEFINITELY kill me after the sex. See, Norman's got *issues*, right? Stacks and stacks of issues. And I want to help him with those issues. I'm all about the helping and being a good neighbor. Just like State Farm. Crossdressing mama's boys who need love? I'm SO there. 6. Norval Jones (Eddie Bracken in The Miracle of Morgan's Creek)--Simply put, Norval is the perfect dorkyboy dream. He stutters and when the girl he loves parties hard one night, finds herself married and pregnant in the morning by a soldier who she can't remember and who's gone, he wants to marry her and take care of her in his own dorktastic, falling down way. It's World War II and I think having sex with Norval would help win the war. And since the war is already over then I KNOW it's a great idea! 7. Bruno Anthony (Robert Walker in Strangers on a Train)--Again, he'd kill me and stuff but all relationships have problems, right? And if two people can't work through a little death then I don't know what the hell this world is coming too. Ooh, I bet he'd take me to a carnival too! 8. Megan (Kelly Rutherford on Melrose Place)--Although Syndey's my favorite character I don't want to sleep with her. No, with Sydney I have more of a make her soup and listen to her problems relationship. With Megan I have this whole want to be her girlfriend thing going on. I'm not sure how that started. She's certainly not the most interesting character to ever be on the show, but she's just got this sweetness and light thing happening that makes me want to find a cottage and live in it with her. She was also the nicest and most caring character on the show. They made Jane evil (and evil? didn't look good on Jane) after Season 3 but with Megan people would screw her over and she'd still be nice to them, but I never thought of her as a doormat like I did with Alison and sometimes Jane. Which makes me want to make hot monkey love to her, I guess. 9. I also want to sleep with a Don Knotts character. I'm not picky about which one since they're basically all the same. I have a theory about why Barney was able to keep his job as Deputy in Meyberry for so long even though he was a big fraidy-cat but it's very sordid and dirty so I'll keep it to myself. Let's just say that it involves one of Aunt Bee's pies, Andy, and a monkeywrench. 10. Percival (Little House on the Prairie)--Dorky but with an EDGE. What sets Percival apart from so many other dorkyboys is that he was a completely dominant force. Nellie took one look at him and went "Whoa, I finally found the one person that can be the dom one in my dom/sub reindeer games!" Percival was ahead of his time. He was the fucking Jewish James Bond of the 1800s. Having sex with him would be like walking into one of those dark and dank basement clubs where you can't see anything and all you can hear is the cracking of whips and people screaming. Only it'd be a little more dignified because Percival would still be wearing his suit and pocketwatch. (34 Comments |Comment on this)